Wednesday, 12 June 2013
Too.......too........
tired to blog. I am totally exhaustipated. Be back as soon as my energy levels are up. Hope you are all doing brilliantly on the 12WBT journey.
Tuesday, 4 June 2013
Miracles and muscle malady
I had lunch with a friend today at the cafe at the bottom of our building. Decided to go with a lamb wrap for lunch. To my dismay, it came with chips. Really nice crispy chips.
Old me would have scoffed the wrap and all the chips.
I did eat the whole wrap. And I wanted to try the chips. So I tried one. And I thought to myself, I can eat all of them. There is nothing stopping me. But I couldn't. I did eat three in the end.
But I couldn't eat any more because I was TOO FULL!!!
Why is this a miracle you ask?
Because I have never ever felt too full or so full that I stopped eating. I could eat piles of food and still eat more. And there is no way I would have left all those tasty crispy chippies on the plate. But I felt so full that I didn't even feel like dinner tonight (which is good given that I worked out that wrap and three chips must have been around 600 calories at least, even if it was mainly salad [but I did forgo all my snacks today to have enough calories to cover it]). So I'm going to have a nice no fat strained yoghurt with passionfruit. And go to bed not feeling all bloated, but fresh and not hungry and happy.
I have never ever had a feel full point - and this wasn't even a milestone, but something I've achieved incidentally on the program. And I say woo hoo to that!!
Then tonight I started with my lovely new PT. As it was our first session, she did a long assessment of what I can do and how I take up information. And here was the conclusion, very much the same as the running coach, I have very lazy non working glute muscles on my right side. Who would have thought that you could have muscles that just don't work. So I'm not sure how, but I have to get those muscles firing again, or just firing (maybe they've never worked). And it really is time to go to the osteopath again. I was lying on my back and she got me to shift my butt over a bit and my feet and I felt all twisted up and she told me that I was actually straight!
Had a disaster on the cooking front this week. Cooked 4 lots of the chicken noodle soup so I could freeze up the 16 serves for after training or Bikram or getting home from work late. Don't know quite how it happened but I ended up using mung bean vermicelli instead of rice vermicelli and twice as much of it. Calculated up the calories. Uh-oh - each serve would be 70% higher in calories than it was supposed to be. Luckily the family down the road with the seven kids (6 at home and four boys) were happy to take it off my hands. To balance that out, I made the Cajun Fish Stew last night and love it!! Those 12WBT recipes are mighty mighty good! And they taste fresh and clean and not fatty. Really rev you up with energy.
Old me would have scoffed the wrap and all the chips.
I did eat the whole wrap. And I wanted to try the chips. So I tried one. And I thought to myself, I can eat all of them. There is nothing stopping me. But I couldn't. I did eat three in the end.
But I couldn't eat any more because I was TOO FULL!!!
Why is this a miracle you ask?
Because I have never ever felt too full or so full that I stopped eating. I could eat piles of food and still eat more. And there is no way I would have left all those tasty crispy chippies on the plate. But I felt so full that I didn't even feel like dinner tonight (which is good given that I worked out that wrap and three chips must have been around 600 calories at least, even if it was mainly salad [but I did forgo all my snacks today to have enough calories to cover it]). So I'm going to have a nice no fat strained yoghurt with passionfruit. And go to bed not feeling all bloated, but fresh and not hungry and happy.
I have never ever had a feel full point - and this wasn't even a milestone, but something I've achieved incidentally on the program. And I say woo hoo to that!!
Then tonight I started with my lovely new PT. As it was our first session, she did a long assessment of what I can do and how I take up information. And here was the conclusion, very much the same as the running coach, I have very lazy non working glute muscles on my right side. Who would have thought that you could have muscles that just don't work. So I'm not sure how, but I have to get those muscles firing again, or just firing (maybe they've never worked). And it really is time to go to the osteopath again. I was lying on my back and she got me to shift my butt over a bit and my feet and I felt all twisted up and she told me that I was actually straight!
Had a disaster on the cooking front this week. Cooked 4 lots of the chicken noodle soup so I could freeze up the 16 serves for after training or Bikram or getting home from work late. Don't know quite how it happened but I ended up using mung bean vermicelli instead of rice vermicelli and twice as much of it. Calculated up the calories. Uh-oh - each serve would be 70% higher in calories than it was supposed to be. Luckily the family down the road with the seven kids (6 at home and four boys) were happy to take it off my hands. To balance that out, I made the Cajun Fish Stew last night and love it!! Those 12WBT recipes are mighty mighty good! And they taste fresh and clean and not fatty. Really rev you up with energy.
Thursday, 30 May 2013
From the mouths of babes....
Who would ever imagine that the words of a 9 year old boy could make you feel so much better. Thanks to my little mate Daniel, for looking straight at me over the restaurant table tonight and saying angelically and extremely thoughtfully, "You've lost weight". How totally nice is that!!!
Puts all the moaning in my last post into perspective really. Want to be noticed? Stick with the program!
I have to be honest, there have been a couple of days of slip slop sliding. Even after a great weigh in where I reached a weight I haven't been for four years. Must be the leftovers of the flu and being busy at work and plain old tired.
Last night I was going to make the Cajun fish stew. But my brain was saying "I NEED rice". I am craving ordinary things I haven't eaten for three weeks. So I ended up having garlic rice (at least I kept it to a one cup serve cooked) with 500g of fish, steamed all together for dinner. I haven't felt so uncomfortably full for weeks! But the rice was SO nice and the fish was so soft and tasty.
And today, I ended up going out and having a hamburger at Grill'd with Daniel and his brothers and his lovely mum. I have been craving red meat so badly. I have had to start back on constipation inducing iron tablets as I am so tired I know my iron stores are becoming depleted.
Then, lo! Michelle's message about the Week 4 Wobblies (my description, not hers), where all you want to do is give in and give up. And how good it is to know that I am pretty much normal. Always good to be normal I reckon. And to know that tomorrow is a fresh day to start over again on the good track.
And yesterday was a bit of a watershed too. I went and had a chat to a new PT, given my former PT has given up training folk to take up a full time job. And she was fantastic. She has a great set up. She is only one suburb or 7 minutes drive away. I can have a 7pm session so don't have to worry about having to rush over from work. She was really responsive to my goals and needs and interests. She is really well qualified and highly professional. I am really really looking forward to working with her. And she is so totally going to help me keep accountable in my exercise program. I am going to stick with learn to run, but I am going to forgo the toning and stretching days for Bikram sessions, swimming and cycling with plenty of walking thrown in as well as an hour of PT. And those pesky challenges which I am still catching up with as they are SO challenging for me.
And today I was reminded about how extraordinarily fortunate we are to live in this beautiful country Australia. At work, we had a meeting today where we heard some pretty shocking things some of our near neighbours have to go through to access basic health care, like walking for four hours over bush tracks. And then going through the forums, I had some eye opening provided by some 12WBT members in other countries who described how difficult it is to find food we take for granted in most of Australia, for example, fresh fruit and veggies. I have told myself that next time I am in Woollies complaining about the quality of the fruit and veg, I will count myself grealy privileged to live in a place where fruit and vegetables are plentiful and at prices most people can readily afford.
And thanks go out to all the folk in the forums and on this blog who have been so encouraging in my dip this week. What a great community of friends you are becoming.
Puts all the moaning in my last post into perspective really. Want to be noticed? Stick with the program!
I have to be honest, there have been a couple of days of slip slop sliding. Even after a great weigh in where I reached a weight I haven't been for four years. Must be the leftovers of the flu and being busy at work and plain old tired.
Last night I was going to make the Cajun fish stew. But my brain was saying "I NEED rice". I am craving ordinary things I haven't eaten for three weeks. So I ended up having garlic rice (at least I kept it to a one cup serve cooked) with 500g of fish, steamed all together for dinner. I haven't felt so uncomfortably full for weeks! But the rice was SO nice and the fish was so soft and tasty.
And today, I ended up going out and having a hamburger at Grill'd with Daniel and his brothers and his lovely mum. I have been craving red meat so badly. I have had to start back on constipation inducing iron tablets as I am so tired I know my iron stores are becoming depleted.
Then, lo! Michelle's message about the Week 4 Wobblies (my description, not hers), where all you want to do is give in and give up. And how good it is to know that I am pretty much normal. Always good to be normal I reckon. And to know that tomorrow is a fresh day to start over again on the good track.
And yesterday was a bit of a watershed too. I went and had a chat to a new PT, given my former PT has given up training folk to take up a full time job. And she was fantastic. She has a great set up. She is only one suburb or 7 minutes drive away. I can have a 7pm session so don't have to worry about having to rush over from work. She was really responsive to my goals and needs and interests. She is really well qualified and highly professional. I am really really looking forward to working with her. And she is so totally going to help me keep accountable in my exercise program. I am going to stick with learn to run, but I am going to forgo the toning and stretching days for Bikram sessions, swimming and cycling with plenty of walking thrown in as well as an hour of PT. And those pesky challenges which I am still catching up with as they are SO challenging for me.
And today I was reminded about how extraordinarily fortunate we are to live in this beautiful country Australia. At work, we had a meeting today where we heard some pretty shocking things some of our near neighbours have to go through to access basic health care, like walking for four hours over bush tracks. And then going through the forums, I had some eye opening provided by some 12WBT members in other countries who described how difficult it is to find food we take for granted in most of Australia, for example, fresh fruit and veggies. I have told myself that next time I am in Woollies complaining about the quality of the fruit and veg, I will count myself grealy privileged to live in a place where fruit and vegetables are plentiful and at prices most people can readily afford.
And thanks go out to all the folk in the forums and on this blog who have been so encouraging in my dip this week. What a great community of friends you are becoming.
Monday, 27 May 2013
Something's gotta give....
I am getting to the point where something has got to give.
I am sick as a dog with the flu. Last time I had the flu was when swine flu was rampant about years ago. I'm not as sick as that, but I am sicker than I have been for a while. Haven't felt so queasy and muddle headed since I went through chemo three years ago.
I think I have been trying too hard to do everything I am being encouraged to do and want to do. My whole life can't be about eating and exercise. I've started a new job which I love and it is going to take me a while to learn all the ins and outs of it and get to know my 24 staff. I'm not there just to do a job, but to do a really good job. That means putting time and effort into it. And I can't do that while I'm sick and while I'm trying to work out how to get to a training session at 6.30pm when it's already after 5pm and people still want to see me and I have a heap of stuff in my in-tray to deal with and I need to get across to the other side of town to get to training.
And I'm not fitting in the things that I love like knitting and card making and just being with friends.
It's taken me a year to fall in love with exercise working with a personal trainer. And I'm losing that love because it is becoming more a chore, or a guilt inducing thing if I miss out on a session. And my personal trainer can't train folk any more for very good family reasons. So my main source of accountability has gone, but also has one of my key sources of energy for loving exercise.
And my running is all over the place because my hip is the problem and not my knee as I thought and it's going to take a lot of retrainin of my muscles and some visits to the ostepath to get that right again.
And I like the food. It's tasty and easy to prepare and is saving me a lot of money. But it is another thing that I now HAVE to do instead of want to do.
And so, I am slipping on the food (but sticking in the main to the 1200 calories) and slipping on the exercise.
I had already lost 12kg before I even though about starting the 12 WBT program. I've lost 6.3kg since. I can't complain it doen't work because clearly it does and all the great stories from people attest to that. But all I really wanted was to lose weight so I could be a good and safer runner and lear to run properly and for a distance so I could realise all my dreams.
But all I feel is guilt. And depressed. And sick. And considerable bone and muscle pain.
I think it's fine if all you want in your life is exercise and cooking but what about all the other things that balance life out and make it so much more enjoyable?
I need to work out what I can do to help me balance my life a lot more, or even a bit really, to regain my love of exercise, to organise myself much better so that I can cook food and freeze so it doesn't become an issue. I am going to find a new PT and have found someone who I think will be terrific and lives only one suburb away so am going to see her.
I am going to try and feel less guilty and more passionate about my life in all its myriad of component parts. And I am going to reconnect with some of my friends who make me feel positive and happy and loved.
Let's hope that's sufficient to restart my will to get through these 12 weeks in a transformational and positive way.
I am sick as a dog with the flu. Last time I had the flu was when swine flu was rampant about years ago. I'm not as sick as that, but I am sicker than I have been for a while. Haven't felt so queasy and muddle headed since I went through chemo three years ago.
I think I have been trying too hard to do everything I am being encouraged to do and want to do. My whole life can't be about eating and exercise. I've started a new job which I love and it is going to take me a while to learn all the ins and outs of it and get to know my 24 staff. I'm not there just to do a job, but to do a really good job. That means putting time and effort into it. And I can't do that while I'm sick and while I'm trying to work out how to get to a training session at 6.30pm when it's already after 5pm and people still want to see me and I have a heap of stuff in my in-tray to deal with and I need to get across to the other side of town to get to training.
And I'm not fitting in the things that I love like knitting and card making and just being with friends.
It's taken me a year to fall in love with exercise working with a personal trainer. And I'm losing that love because it is becoming more a chore, or a guilt inducing thing if I miss out on a session. And my personal trainer can't train folk any more for very good family reasons. So my main source of accountability has gone, but also has one of my key sources of energy for loving exercise.
And my running is all over the place because my hip is the problem and not my knee as I thought and it's going to take a lot of retrainin of my muscles and some visits to the ostepath to get that right again.
And I like the food. It's tasty and easy to prepare and is saving me a lot of money. But it is another thing that I now HAVE to do instead of want to do.
And so, I am slipping on the food (but sticking in the main to the 1200 calories) and slipping on the exercise.
I had already lost 12kg before I even though about starting the 12 WBT program. I've lost 6.3kg since. I can't complain it doen't work because clearly it does and all the great stories from people attest to that. But all I really wanted was to lose weight so I could be a good and safer runner and lear to run properly and for a distance so I could realise all my dreams.
But all I feel is guilt. And depressed. And sick. And considerable bone and muscle pain.
I think it's fine if all you want in your life is exercise and cooking but what about all the other things that balance life out and make it so much more enjoyable?
I need to work out what I can do to help me balance my life a lot more, or even a bit really, to regain my love of exercise, to organise myself much better so that I can cook food and freeze so it doesn't become an issue. I am going to find a new PT and have found someone who I think will be terrific and lives only one suburb away so am going to see her.
I am going to try and feel less guilty and more passionate about my life in all its myriad of component parts. And I am going to reconnect with some of my friends who make me feel positive and happy and loved.
Let's hope that's sufficient to restart my will to get through these 12 weeks in a transformational and positive way.
Friday, 24 May 2013
Good week? Bad week? In between week.
Not a great week, nor a total failure.
A 500 calorie blowout yesterday thanks to a lovely Indian lunch.
But all the rest has been well within my 1200 calorie limit or just a smidgin over (once). And not feeling hungry or cranky.
Exercise is not happening other than Bikram which has captured me totally, and that only once so far this week.
But I'm a little excited. My knee is feeling way way better!! Tomorrow I am going to go and see a man at an oval about getting my running technique right so that I can start my learn to run program next week and NOT hurt myself again. And then I might do a bit of a walk to test the leg properly. And then Bikram tomorrow afternoon. So that might do me for super Saturday.
And in between I am going to a clothing party. I really like these clothes but they don't usually have much there in my size. Now I've dropped one size, I'm hoping that I might have more of a choice!
And then grape picking at a social pick on Sunday. Saving my Saturday treat meal for Sunday as they are putting on a spit roast. The social pick is quite an event. Lots of lovely folk and so nice to be in amongst the vines and doing something that people have been doing for thousands of years. And to know that it will have such a lovely outcome and go towards making an award winning wine - well hopefully anyway, all the other times we've picked at this vineyard the wine has ended up winning multiple awards. Wonder how many calories grape picking burns?
A 500 calorie blowout yesterday thanks to a lovely Indian lunch.
But all the rest has been well within my 1200 calorie limit or just a smidgin over (once). And not feeling hungry or cranky.
Exercise is not happening other than Bikram which has captured me totally, and that only once so far this week.
But I'm a little excited. My knee is feeling way way better!! Tomorrow I am going to go and see a man at an oval about getting my running technique right so that I can start my learn to run program next week and NOT hurt myself again. And then I might do a bit of a walk to test the leg properly. And then Bikram tomorrow afternoon. So that might do me for super Saturday.
And in between I am going to a clothing party. I really like these clothes but they don't usually have much there in my size. Now I've dropped one size, I'm hoping that I might have more of a choice!
And then grape picking at a social pick on Sunday. Saving my Saturday treat meal for Sunday as they are putting on a spit roast. The social pick is quite an event. Lots of lovely folk and so nice to be in amongst the vines and doing something that people have been doing for thousands of years. And to know that it will have such a lovely outcome and go towards making an award winning wine - well hopefully anyway, all the other times we've picked at this vineyard the wine has ended up winning multiple awards. Wonder how many calories grape picking burns?
Tuesday, 21 May 2013
So tired.........................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz................................
Very late night/early morning before I got to bed. Got up early and rushed to work for meetings nearly all day. Then rushed off to Bikram.
What is it about Bikram that has sucked me right in? It is hot (OK I really really like the heat). It is absolutely exhausting!!! Like bone tired exhausting. I am still too fat to be able to twist myself around in the various positions. I still can only just stand on one leg, with the other folded up on the other side and there's no way I can then let my bended leg go and lean forward. Tonight I could barely talk or think by the end of it. And my arms and thighs are so SO sore.
But I can't stop going back. It's not just because I've bought all those sessions. It is because it such a HUGE HUGE challenge. I am so not going to let this beat me. Or at least not before I give it my utmost to conquer it. And I can finally finally just hold one leg behind me now. The left one. Not the right one, but that will come. And I am starting to get into the rythm and repetition of it. And 90 minutes goes by so quickly. And I am starting to feel taller.
Bikram - you are my challenge. But little by little, I am getting better, and will continue to get even better!
What is it about Bikram that has sucked me right in? It is hot (OK I really really like the heat). It is absolutely exhausting!!! Like bone tired exhausting. I am still too fat to be able to twist myself around in the various positions. I still can only just stand on one leg, with the other folded up on the other side and there's no way I can then let my bended leg go and lean forward. Tonight I could barely talk or think by the end of it. And my arms and thighs are so SO sore.
But I can't stop going back. It's not just because I've bought all those sessions. It is because it such a HUGE HUGE challenge. I am so not going to let this beat me. Or at least not before I give it my utmost to conquer it. And I can finally finally just hold one leg behind me now. The left one. Not the right one, but that will come. And I am starting to get into the rythm and repetition of it. And 90 minutes goes by so quickly. And I am starting to feel taller.
Bikram - you are my challenge. But little by little, I am getting better, and will continue to get even better!
Sunday, 19 May 2013
Changes I didn't expect
Have had an interesting weekend.
It was my birthday yesterday and I had a kind of twilight zone day. I woke up sick and aching. I had a physio session on Friday and my hip and knee were hurting. But then, so was every other bone and muscle in my body. Had to miss my walk up Mt Ainslie and everything else I had planned for the day. I got up, got Panadol, and went back to bed for four hours with the leccie blankie on in a coccoon of heat. Felt marginally better when I got up.
My great friend Mrs A came and picked me up and whisked me off to dinner at a friend's. Such a lovely meal. Given I'd only eaten toast and 3 mandarins all day, I thought it might be OK to go a little chocolate and cake as well as the very nice, carb load, OK super delicious potatoes and meat and beans and pears and meat and smoky bacon dinner.
Got up this morning and went to Bikram. To my surprise, I wasn't totally exhausted at the end. Just exhausted. And I actually managed to grip onto the right bits of me occasionally. How can 90 minutes go that fast? I might actually, just maybe, sort of be starting to get it. And it makes me feel taller.
But it does make me drink and drink and drink water afterwards which makes me feel quite sick. So I've learned that a glass of skim milk with a little chocolate Quick makes me feel better faster. I decided to give myself a day off the 12WBT for my birthday present to myself. I picked up a large watermelon juice on the way to the craft markets where they were having their annual celebration of wool day. I love watermelon juice. It is one of my favourite, comforting, soothing things of all time. When I was on chemo, despite the burning in my mouth and throat when I drank cold things, I craved and HAD to have watermelon juice. But today, I had my first sip and though, 'oh, this is SO sweet' and I didn't enjoy it at all. And I had to have water to get rid of the sweetness out of my mouth.
Think I would have learned my lesson, but no. Got to the markets and was starving of course. A glass of milk and a glass of watermelon juice does not breakfast make. So I had another one of my favourites, a dish of lentil stew and coconut chicken with njera. Love my Ethiopian food. I thought I'd go a large size as I was so hungry. And I ate it and it was way tasty, but it was WAY too much. I haven't been able to eat anything else all day although I am contemplating some fruit toast and ricotta for supper.
Who on earth is this person who does not think much of watermelon juice and can't polish off a plate of food and then have a cake and coffee on top of that? Who is this woman who gets up at 7am on a Sunday to go to stretch herself into a pretzel at 8am right on the other side of town? And who who WHO is this Andriana that goes to the Bus Depot Markets and has absolutely NO, zero, zip, NO desire to go and snack through all the yummy things out for tasting that people are selling. I do not know this person. She thinks in a totally different way and wants totally different things. Now, let's see if she sticks around.
It was my birthday yesterday and I had a kind of twilight zone day. I woke up sick and aching. I had a physio session on Friday and my hip and knee were hurting. But then, so was every other bone and muscle in my body. Had to miss my walk up Mt Ainslie and everything else I had planned for the day. I got up, got Panadol, and went back to bed for four hours with the leccie blankie on in a coccoon of heat. Felt marginally better when I got up.
My great friend Mrs A came and picked me up and whisked me off to dinner at a friend's. Such a lovely meal. Given I'd only eaten toast and 3 mandarins all day, I thought it might be OK to go a little chocolate and cake as well as the very nice, carb load, OK super delicious potatoes and meat and beans and pears and meat and smoky bacon dinner.
Got up this morning and went to Bikram. To my surprise, I wasn't totally exhausted at the end. Just exhausted. And I actually managed to grip onto the right bits of me occasionally. How can 90 minutes go that fast? I might actually, just maybe, sort of be starting to get it. And it makes me feel taller.
But it does make me drink and drink and drink water afterwards which makes me feel quite sick. So I've learned that a glass of skim milk with a little chocolate Quick makes me feel better faster. I decided to give myself a day off the 12WBT for my birthday present to myself. I picked up a large watermelon juice on the way to the craft markets where they were having their annual celebration of wool day. I love watermelon juice. It is one of my favourite, comforting, soothing things of all time. When I was on chemo, despite the burning in my mouth and throat when I drank cold things, I craved and HAD to have watermelon juice. But today, I had my first sip and though, 'oh, this is SO sweet' and I didn't enjoy it at all. And I had to have water to get rid of the sweetness out of my mouth.
Think I would have learned my lesson, but no. Got to the markets and was starving of course. A glass of milk and a glass of watermelon juice does not breakfast make. So I had another one of my favourites, a dish of lentil stew and coconut chicken with njera. Love my Ethiopian food. I thought I'd go a large size as I was so hungry. And I ate it and it was way tasty, but it was WAY too much. I haven't been able to eat anything else all day although I am contemplating some fruit toast and ricotta for supper.
Who on earth is this person who does not think much of watermelon juice and can't polish off a plate of food and then have a cake and coffee on top of that? Who is this woman who gets up at 7am on a Sunday to go to stretch herself into a pretzel at 8am right on the other side of town? And who who WHO is this Andriana that goes to the Bus Depot Markets and has absolutely NO, zero, zip, NO desire to go and snack through all the yummy things out for tasting that people are selling. I do not know this person. She thinks in a totally different way and wants totally different things. Now, let's see if she sticks around.
Wednesday, 15 May 2013
Need to get more....................organised
I am doing well in some things and not so well in others. I got home from an exhausting Bikram session last night, ate leftover chicken noodle soup and crashed into bed.
No exercise this morning and my body is screaming out to be active. I am getting addicted to exercise I think. If I don't have it I get the jitters which must be akin to withdrawal.
And got up so late everything was a rush and I got to work late.
So, I need to be way more organised. This is one of my major downfalls. I can't seem to get into good routines. But I am going to try laying all my clothes for work and training out on Sunday for the whole week. And pack my lunch the night before. And go to bed earlier.
Good, yet strange, news is that I have lost 1.5kg since Sunday. Pretty much on the food and one Bikram session. And the food is really really good. Made the beef strog tonight and had to fight the Siamese catties howling around me as I ate, for the last of it. They won and totally cleaned it up.
Off to pack lunch and go to bed earlyish so that I can get up and do the toning and stretching exercises on the morrow and get to work at a reasonable time. Hmmmm.....will this happen? Time will tell.
No exercise this morning and my body is screaming out to be active. I am getting addicted to exercise I think. If I don't have it I get the jitters which must be akin to withdrawal.
And got up so late everything was a rush and I got to work late.
So, I need to be way more organised. This is one of my major downfalls. I can't seem to get into good routines. But I am going to try laying all my clothes for work and training out on Sunday for the whole week. And pack my lunch the night before. And go to bed earlier.
Good, yet strange, news is that I have lost 1.5kg since Sunday. Pretty much on the food and one Bikram session. And the food is really really good. Made the beef strog tonight and had to fight the Siamese catties howling around me as I ate, for the last of it. They won and totally cleaned it up.
Off to pack lunch and go to bed earlyish so that I can get up and do the toning and stretching exercises on the morrow and get to work at a reasonable time. Hmmmm.....will this happen? Time will tell.
Monday, 13 May 2013
One step back one step forward
Did not sleep well at all last night after going to bed late. I think it was anxiety about today. Not because it is the first day of the 12WBT but because of the new job. Those questions always go through your mind. Will they like me? Will I be able to do the job? Will I live up to expectations?
So of course I couldn't get up this morning when the alarm went. And it was raining. So couldn't go out to start the Learn to Run program. But I dutifully packed my lunch, counting my calories as I went, and writing down all the food etc. Decided to take tuna and salad for lunch as the whole wrap thing didn't appeal that much. And apple and celery and carrots for snacks.
Got to work and found out I was in the office that two of my favourite bosses of all time had occupied at one time or another. Met my new exec assistant who is lovely. And the team started wandering in. And they'd put on a lovely Australia's Biggest Morning Tea to raise money for the Cancer Council and to welcome me. Lots and lots of lovely yummy looking home made tidbits. I surprised myself and resisted, well quite easily really. Then I was called down to my boss' office for a meeting and she was handing out a lovely iced rich chokky cake, which I also said no to. All a bit much for the first two hours in the job!!
I think I am going to really love this job. The team is warm and friendly. And the work is just like coming home. The only thing is that I was in meetings or working and mainly sitting down from when I got there till when I left. I took my little balance cushion mat thingy with me today to help me stand up and move. And I did get up to get a cup of tea and a glass of water. And a wee bit of movement between meetings. And that was it. I am really going to have to cocentrate on making time for breaks to get a lot more movement into my day.
Made the chicken soup for dinner. I really didn't think much of the recipe, which is pretty mighty simple, but it really was delicous. Those finely chopped fresh beans are a great addition and added a lovely flavour and texture. I've portioned it all out and will have some for dinner after Bikram tomorrow night, and freeze the other two portions. If it unfreezes well, I am going to make a giant pot of it on the weekend. I worked out all the calories I've eaten and barely made it to a thousand. I am going to pack some extra salad for lunch. And then I know I can save a few calories to have a skim milk chocolate drink after Bikram to rehydrate. But I can see why weighing everything and counting calories is so important. It is as easy to eat too little as too much.
Then I got chatting with my new FB group, the 12WBT Canberra Crew. What a great mob of people!! I have already signed up for a meet and greet and for a walk up Black Mountain. And got onto the 12WBT website where I couln't keep up with all the new posts. All the members are jumping about with energy and excitement and posting stuff like crazy at starting out on this big adventure. Me too!!
I am going to make myself my "dessert" of a cup of chamomile tea and go to bed early, so I can get up early and go through all my toning and stretching exercises.
Blessings.
So of course I couldn't get up this morning when the alarm went. And it was raining. So couldn't go out to start the Learn to Run program. But I dutifully packed my lunch, counting my calories as I went, and writing down all the food etc. Decided to take tuna and salad for lunch as the whole wrap thing didn't appeal that much. And apple and celery and carrots for snacks.
Got to work and found out I was in the office that two of my favourite bosses of all time had occupied at one time or another. Met my new exec assistant who is lovely. And the team started wandering in. And they'd put on a lovely Australia's Biggest Morning Tea to raise money for the Cancer Council and to welcome me. Lots and lots of lovely yummy looking home made tidbits. I surprised myself and resisted, well quite easily really. Then I was called down to my boss' office for a meeting and she was handing out a lovely iced rich chokky cake, which I also said no to. All a bit much for the first two hours in the job!!
I think I am going to really love this job. The team is warm and friendly. And the work is just like coming home. The only thing is that I was in meetings or working and mainly sitting down from when I got there till when I left. I took my little balance cushion mat thingy with me today to help me stand up and move. And I did get up to get a cup of tea and a glass of water. And a wee bit of movement between meetings. And that was it. I am really going to have to cocentrate on making time for breaks to get a lot more movement into my day.
Made the chicken soup for dinner. I really didn't think much of the recipe, which is pretty mighty simple, but it really was delicous. Those finely chopped fresh beans are a great addition and added a lovely flavour and texture. I've portioned it all out and will have some for dinner after Bikram tomorrow night, and freeze the other two portions. If it unfreezes well, I am going to make a giant pot of it on the weekend. I worked out all the calories I've eaten and barely made it to a thousand. I am going to pack some extra salad for lunch. And then I know I can save a few calories to have a skim milk chocolate drink after Bikram to rehydrate. But I can see why weighing everything and counting calories is so important. It is as easy to eat too little as too much.
Then I got chatting with my new FB group, the 12WBT Canberra Crew. What a great mob of people!! I have already signed up for a meet and greet and for a walk up Black Mountain. And got onto the 12WBT website where I couln't keep up with all the new posts. All the members are jumping about with energy and excitement and posting stuff like crazy at starting out on this big adventure. Me too!!
I am going to make myself my "dessert" of a cup of chamomile tea and go to bed early, so I can get up early and go through all my toning and stretching exercises.
Blessings.
Sunday, 12 May 2013
A busy Mother's Day and taking time out to remember people who matter
Well it's been a busy old Mum's Day today.
I had a walk up Mt Ainslie yesterday, no sight of the Sky Wale unfortunately, but a great walk followed by coffee at yet another new coffee shop, this time with a full on commercial bakery attached, where I had vegemite toast by choice and not just because I was on this program. A couple of the ladies I was with had almond croissants. I didn't let them know that I haven't been able to eat even a plain croissant after I found out that they had a week's worth of fat allowance in each!!
Bikram in the afternoon. Still not able to do it, but even I can feel a marginal improvement since my first session. Though I did notice that the more I got into it properly, the more exhausted I got. By the end I felt quite literally like a wet rag. Except more like a wet rag that needed to pee really badly. Everyone else was pretty much still lying in the final meditative relax pose and I was bolting for the loo. Didn't need to drink as much immediately as I had the first time and by the time I got home I actually felt quite energised.
Oh, and in between, there was a visit to one of the best yarn stores ever, Stitch 'n' Time in Phillip. I was SO good and did not buy any yarn - but I did procure a yarn winder. Oh and then there was a skinny iced chai and an apple strudel at Hansel & Gretel - so nice and I figured that there was minimal pastry and plenty of apple so was the healthiest choice they had. And I forewent the cream, which I always do anyway.
So today I was a bit stiff, especially my right leg, although the knee itself is feeling a lot better. Was lovely here in Tuggeranong, but got foggier and foggier as I got closer to Lake Burley Griffin where the Mother's Day Classic was held. Got there after the 10k runners had done their thing, but who could have seen them running? The fog was soupily thick. Met up with friends and attached my bib. I'd had a long think about who I wanted to walk for and decided I would walk for everyone I knew with breast cancer or who has died from it. So the walk was for you Lorraine, Maria, Ria, Maureen, Sue, Shirley, Kylie, Fiona, Margy, Jennie. That is 10 women in my life. It was sobering to see so many names of people who participants were walking or running for.
It was a record turnout and then some in Canberra and we patiently cued up for the start of the walk after the 5k runners had all taken off. In the hour and a half while we had been waiting to get going, the fog had just finished lifting revealing a beautiful blue skied Canberra autumn day. We had a great walk amid a sea of pink. It felt really good doing something with the community for the community. Hope all that money raised goes to fund some innovative and amazing research that will stop more and more women from getting and dying from this disease.
Oh, and next year - that will be me running the 5k and maybe even the 10k if I can get up to that level.
Came back and made my shopping list from the Week 1 plans. Have fiddled the plan a little so I can make the most of each meal, living by myself as I do and freeze things for later or take things in for lunch the next day. Shopped, then had an extraordinarily bad meal which involved a burger and ice cream and about which I shall say no more....
Then came home and finished off my fitness test and running time benchmark. I had been hoping to do these yesterday but time got away from me a bit and there was no way I was going to start tomorrow without having finished those tasks!
So I'm all ready and willing to go. Bring on tomorrow, my new job, my lifestyle, a new me. A red letter day and then some! Watch out world, I'm revved up and firing to go!
I had a walk up Mt Ainslie yesterday, no sight of the Sky Wale unfortunately, but a great walk followed by coffee at yet another new coffee shop, this time with a full on commercial bakery attached, where I had vegemite toast by choice and not just because I was on this program. A couple of the ladies I was with had almond croissants. I didn't let them know that I haven't been able to eat even a plain croissant after I found out that they had a week's worth of fat allowance in each!!
Bikram in the afternoon. Still not able to do it, but even I can feel a marginal improvement since my first session. Though I did notice that the more I got into it properly, the more exhausted I got. By the end I felt quite literally like a wet rag. Except more like a wet rag that needed to pee really badly. Everyone else was pretty much still lying in the final meditative relax pose and I was bolting for the loo. Didn't need to drink as much immediately as I had the first time and by the time I got home I actually felt quite energised.
Oh, and in between, there was a visit to one of the best yarn stores ever, Stitch 'n' Time in Phillip. I was SO good and did not buy any yarn - but I did procure a yarn winder. Oh and then there was a skinny iced chai and an apple strudel at Hansel & Gretel - so nice and I figured that there was minimal pastry and plenty of apple so was the healthiest choice they had. And I forewent the cream, which I always do anyway.
So today I was a bit stiff, especially my right leg, although the knee itself is feeling a lot better. Was lovely here in Tuggeranong, but got foggier and foggier as I got closer to Lake Burley Griffin where the Mother's Day Classic was held. Got there after the 10k runners had done their thing, but who could have seen them running? The fog was soupily thick. Met up with friends and attached my bib. I'd had a long think about who I wanted to walk for and decided I would walk for everyone I knew with breast cancer or who has died from it. So the walk was for you Lorraine, Maria, Ria, Maureen, Sue, Shirley, Kylie, Fiona, Margy, Jennie. That is 10 women in my life. It was sobering to see so many names of people who participants were walking or running for.
It was a record turnout and then some in Canberra and we patiently cued up for the start of the walk after the 5k runners had all taken off. In the hour and a half while we had been waiting to get going, the fog had just finished lifting revealing a beautiful blue skied Canberra autumn day. We had a great walk amid a sea of pink. It felt really good doing something with the community for the community. Hope all that money raised goes to fund some innovative and amazing research that will stop more and more women from getting and dying from this disease.
Oh, and next year - that will be me running the 5k and maybe even the 10k if I can get up to that level.
Came back and made my shopping list from the Week 1 plans. Have fiddled the plan a little so I can make the most of each meal, living by myself as I do and freeze things for later or take things in for lunch the next day. Shopped, then had an extraordinarily bad meal which involved a burger and ice cream and about which I shall say no more....
Then came home and finished off my fitness test and running time benchmark. I had been hoping to do these yesterday but time got away from me a bit and there was no way I was going to start tomorrow without having finished those tasks!
So I'm all ready and willing to go. Bring on tomorrow, my new job, my lifestyle, a new me. A red letter day and then some! Watch out world, I'm revved up and firing to go!
Thursday, 9 May 2013
Sniffle sniffle cough cough
I deliberately turned off the alarm last night so that I could have a sleep in this morning to try and get rid of my horrid cold. Woke up wheezing at 7.30am. And coughing. So much for a recuperative sleep in.
Spent all day with plasticine head. My highly technical term for when a cold has invaded your head and it feels like lead and you can't hear and you are flushed and hot and mizzable.
Only left the house briefly to bring in the mail. Oh yay - a bill. And to sneak out to the little supermarket down the road to get some dinner for the poor old dog.
Been plagued all day by thoughts of cake and custard and treats. Wanting to be bad. But really not wanting to because I'm feeling so sick that if I ate any of those things (other than custard) I'd just feel sick. I think it's my head gearing up to set me up to fail next week by letting me know I am weak and can't resist rubbish food. But not, I proved it last night. I can be strong! I can say no! I so SO hope that I am going to lose my taste for sweets while on the 12WBT.
Spent quite a bit of the day slowly planning my diary etc for the next few weeks. I'm using a little notebook and have set it up for the 12 weeks now so it will be easy to add to and make notes and comments in.
Then spent alot of frustrating time trying to get in and download recipes and the exercise plan for next week. Still haven't been successful but I am ever hopeful and there's always tomorrow. I can understand why the system would crash with so many excited people trying to access the plan for Week 1. Having been in this kind of situation myself at work, I can really appreciate how frustrated and disappointed and annoyed MB and her team must be that it did crash and still isn't working properly. That is a big public fail that no-one wants to be responsible for. Hopefully some of the more negative folk complaining about access will be able to get on and get the details they need and settle into the program.
I did get a fleeting look at some of the training and nutrition info. Some of those meals look rather nice. I can see that I am going to do a bit of adjusting myself so that I can make more than one meal with some of the ingredients and take leftovers for lunch. Or eat the same thing a couple of times in a row. Or subsitute two tablespoons of pureed fresh tomato for passata. Etc. I don't have a big pantry space as I mainly eat fresh things so don't have room for heaps of different packs of things. But then again, I do have an impressive array of Tupperware storage.
The only exercise I did today was blow my nose and cough. And my physio exercises. Knee is feeling WAY better albeit a teeny smidge twingy. I keep telling it that it would be much better for it to be completely well right now because it is going to start learning to run next week.
I haven't even been able to read my head is so fuzzy. Such a waste of my last week of leave, but I'd rather have the cold and get over it this week than have it next week. Because next week marks the week from when I am going to start the rest of my life.
Spent all day with plasticine head. My highly technical term for when a cold has invaded your head and it feels like lead and you can't hear and you are flushed and hot and mizzable.
Only left the house briefly to bring in the mail. Oh yay - a bill. And to sneak out to the little supermarket down the road to get some dinner for the poor old dog.
Been plagued all day by thoughts of cake and custard and treats. Wanting to be bad. But really not wanting to because I'm feeling so sick that if I ate any of those things (other than custard) I'd just feel sick. I think it's my head gearing up to set me up to fail next week by letting me know I am weak and can't resist rubbish food. But not, I proved it last night. I can be strong! I can say no! I so SO hope that I am going to lose my taste for sweets while on the 12WBT.
Spent quite a bit of the day slowly planning my diary etc for the next few weeks. I'm using a little notebook and have set it up for the 12 weeks now so it will be easy to add to and make notes and comments in.
Then spent alot of frustrating time trying to get in and download recipes and the exercise plan for next week. Still haven't been successful but I am ever hopeful and there's always tomorrow. I can understand why the system would crash with so many excited people trying to access the plan for Week 1. Having been in this kind of situation myself at work, I can really appreciate how frustrated and disappointed and annoyed MB and her team must be that it did crash and still isn't working properly. That is a big public fail that no-one wants to be responsible for. Hopefully some of the more negative folk complaining about access will be able to get on and get the details they need and settle into the program.
I did get a fleeting look at some of the training and nutrition info. Some of those meals look rather nice. I can see that I am going to do a bit of adjusting myself so that I can make more than one meal with some of the ingredients and take leftovers for lunch. Or eat the same thing a couple of times in a row. Or subsitute two tablespoons of pureed fresh tomato for passata. Etc. I don't have a big pantry space as I mainly eat fresh things so don't have room for heaps of different packs of things. But then again, I do have an impressive array of Tupperware storage.
The only exercise I did today was blow my nose and cough. And my physio exercises. Knee is feeling WAY better albeit a teeny smidge twingy. I keep telling it that it would be much better for it to be completely well right now because it is going to start learning to run next week.
I haven't even been able to read my head is so fuzzy. Such a waste of my last week of leave, but I'd rather have the cold and get over it this week than have it next week. Because next week marks the week from when I am going to start the rest of my life.
Wednesday, 8 May 2013
Red flags aflying
Well, who would have thought I could encounter a red flag as big as big can be and survive it.
Had a great night out with our community church women. A night of tea and testimony. Supper provided.....sigh.
And what a divine supper. Lots of lovely bitesize morsels of calorie laden deliciousness.
I had a cup of tea. I really really REALLY wanted to try some of those tantalising supper items. But I knew that if I had one thing, that would be it and I would stuff myself full. So I didn't have even one thing.
Mercifully, I have a horrible cold, so that did make it a bit easier to say no as the little homemade pavs were passed around. And the tea cake. And and and..... I felt just sick enough not to feel hungry. Mind you, that wouldn't have stopped me in the past.
I did have two small mandarins when I got home.
On a more mundane note. Went to the physio today to see if my knee could be sorted. Thank you Linda for all the care and attention to my knee and the manipulation and the taping and the exercises. Feels heaps better. Going back on Friday morning. So am waiting till Friday afternoon to do my fitness test. I've never been to a physio before - I was seriously impressed!
Had a great night out with our community church women. A night of tea and testimony. Supper provided.....sigh.
And what a divine supper. Lots of lovely bitesize morsels of calorie laden deliciousness.
I had a cup of tea. I really really REALLY wanted to try some of those tantalising supper items. But I knew that if I had one thing, that would be it and I would stuff myself full. So I didn't have even one thing.
Mercifully, I have a horrible cold, so that did make it a bit easier to say no as the little homemade pavs were passed around. And the tea cake. And and and..... I felt just sick enough not to feel hungry. Mind you, that wouldn't have stopped me in the past.
I did have two small mandarins when I got home.
On a more mundane note. Went to the physio today to see if my knee could be sorted. Thank you Linda for all the care and attention to my knee and the manipulation and the taping and the exercises. Feels heaps better. Going back on Friday morning. So am waiting till Friday afternoon to do my fitness test. I've never been to a physio before - I was seriously impressed!
Tuesday, 7 May 2013
Something new and something old
What a day today.
Something old - went back to Uni for an afternoon. I went to seminar where students who had won first prizes for their theses presented on them. They were from the same school that I would be attached to if my PhD proposal is successful. The first two were PhDs and very interesting all around and excellently presented. My fave was the one on women business owners in colonial Australia.
Then we got to the two undergrad theses. The second one was OK. But to be perfectly honest, I couldn't understand one word of the first one which was about how our skin and body are archives of our past. I kind of get the idea, but the language used was inpenetrable. When we got to the questions, someone made a comment that "it is right not to pathologise discourse". I don't even know what that means. I had a bit of an inner giggle.
Something new - had my first Bikram yoga session tonight. OMG! Insane! I finished up feeling like an uncoordinated pretzel that had been run over by a tank. I was drop dead exhausted and dripping with sweat, and not just from the heat. I loved the heat. It reminded me of growing up in Sydney and living through long hot humid summer holiday days. And truth be told, I really enjoyed the exercise. I have found that I have pretty much zero flexibility and couldn't keep up with the full extent of the poses etc. But having bought a voucher for 20 sessions, I have 19 sessions left to go to improve my ability to twist my arms around themselves and my legs and bend down and touch the ground with my forehead and thus become a coordinated pretzel.
I loved the place too. It was clean and peaceful and everyone was really friendly. Very small change room though and communal showers, which make me uncomfy. I think I am going to have to rug up over my sweaty things and go home and have a shower rather than do it there. It's not just that I am roly poly, but I do have a number of scars from my various cancer surgeries, which I'm not really self conscious about, but they are pretty dramatic and do shock people who see them and don't know the full history.
Tomorrow I am going to do the 12WBT fitness test in the morning, then go to the physio for my knee, then go and have a chat with someone to start my background research for the thesis so that I can write up a proposal, then a swim, then a rest I think.....
Oh, and I bought two new pairs of running shoes. One pair was on sale and one was reasonably priced, so I figure I got a bargain. And as the lovely lady who fitted me said, you need to rest your running shoes. And, she was so amazingly friendly when I told her I was learning to run. She didn't even remotely look at me as though to say, so you think you will be able to run oh bundle of lard. She even gave me a flyer for a monthly women's and girl's jog along and really really encouraged me to come along and that she hoped to see me there next month. How encouraging is that? Thanks Cathy at the Runners Shop!
Something old - went back to Uni for an afternoon. I went to seminar where students who had won first prizes for their theses presented on them. They were from the same school that I would be attached to if my PhD proposal is successful. The first two were PhDs and very interesting all around and excellently presented. My fave was the one on women business owners in colonial Australia.
Then we got to the two undergrad theses. The second one was OK. But to be perfectly honest, I couldn't understand one word of the first one which was about how our skin and body are archives of our past. I kind of get the idea, but the language used was inpenetrable. When we got to the questions, someone made a comment that "it is right not to pathologise discourse". I don't even know what that means. I had a bit of an inner giggle.
Something new - had my first Bikram yoga session tonight. OMG! Insane! I finished up feeling like an uncoordinated pretzel that had been run over by a tank. I was drop dead exhausted and dripping with sweat, and not just from the heat. I loved the heat. It reminded me of growing up in Sydney and living through long hot humid summer holiday days. And truth be told, I really enjoyed the exercise. I have found that I have pretty much zero flexibility and couldn't keep up with the full extent of the poses etc. But having bought a voucher for 20 sessions, I have 19 sessions left to go to improve my ability to twist my arms around themselves and my legs and bend down and touch the ground with my forehead and thus become a coordinated pretzel.
I loved the place too. It was clean and peaceful and everyone was really friendly. Very small change room though and communal showers, which make me uncomfy. I think I am going to have to rug up over my sweaty things and go home and have a shower rather than do it there. It's not just that I am roly poly, but I do have a number of scars from my various cancer surgeries, which I'm not really self conscious about, but they are pretty dramatic and do shock people who see them and don't know the full history.
Tomorrow I am going to do the 12WBT fitness test in the morning, then go to the physio for my knee, then go and have a chat with someone to start my background research for the thesis so that I can write up a proposal, then a swim, then a rest I think.....
Oh, and I bought two new pairs of running shoes. One pair was on sale and one was reasonably priced, so I figure I got a bargain. And as the lovely lady who fitted me said, you need to rest your running shoes. And, she was so amazingly friendly when I told her I was learning to run. She didn't even remotely look at me as though to say, so you think you will be able to run oh bundle of lard. She even gave me a flyer for a monthly women's and girl's jog along and really really encouraged me to come along and that she hoped to see me there next month. How encouraging is that? Thanks Cathy at the Runners Shop!
Monday, 6 May 2013
Me, my scales and I
I knew already that my scales weighed slightly light. So I bought myself some of those fancy "we can tell you everything about yourself including how much fat you are carrying" scales fom the Sportsmans Warehouse yesterday. And set them up and compared old and new today. My old scales are 1kg out. Which means I have to lose 1 more kg to get to my target goal of 70kg. Sigh. And maybe I didn't really want to know my depressing body fat percentage, or that I've put on a smidgin of weight since last week.
Here were my options. Get depressed. Give up. Go eat cake.
But I chose not to do any of those things. Just to take a step in the right direction (tuna and cucumber wholemeal sandwich with no spread for lunch), then another one (small mandarin for a snack)...... because I am going to make it to a fitter, lower cholesteroled, 5k running me.
Then I went and adjusted my start and current weights on my 12WBT profile, just to keep me honest.
Driving around Canberra doing errands this afternoon, my resolve strengthened even more. I thought about all the things that have held me back in the past and hold me back now. Most if it is really about resolve, discipline, determination and focus.
I get great ideas for things I want to do, start and then let them die a death as I either get bored of them, decide they aren't reall worth it anyway or get excited by something new.
I know I can be outcomes focussed and bloodymindedly determined when I really put my mind to it. That's how I've gotten ahead at work. Because I love what I do, it's important for other people, and it makes a real difference in people's lives. I've achieved amazing and wonderful things that way and have had heaps of fun as well as some stress and anxiety along the way.
So why can't I put this into action when it affects me? Maybe I don't think I'm worth it, or I'm not smart enough. Maybe I'm just plain lazy. I could did around and get to the root cause of all this, or I could start making a real concerted effort to change my behaviour, not because I have to, but because I want to.
Listening to Michelle's messages and even more, reading through all the comments from people on the 12WBT forums, it seems that self sabotage is the thing that holds most people back from achieving their goals. So I'm not alone.
There seem to be two things that help people achieve their goals. The first is being absolutely organised. Setting a routine into a diary and then sticking to it faithfully. The second is to actually live the mantra JFDI.
And today I realised very clearly that these two things aren't just about achieving health and fitness goals but for reaching life and career goals more broadly.
I have been toying with the idea for a couple of months now about doing a PhD. I'd gotten to the stage where I had just started talking to people about what I wanted to do. I've been on leave and have another week to go so even went as far as setting up a couple of meetings while I am off work.
Then, last week, I had a car accident in a car park (my fault) and had a bunch of other bad news. I went into an absolute slump of despair and thought to myself that there was no way I could ever complete a PhD. That I didn't have the determination, oomph or discipline to finish one, even if I could work out what I wanted to say and write. Today, after my little scales episode, wandering around Canberra doing messages, I realised that I had ben just getting in my own way again and there was no reason I couldn't complete his PhD. And I got excited about it all over again. So thankfully, I hadn't cancelled any of my meetings and am going to do some testing with academics and people in the area I want to research to see whether the projects can have legs, strong legs, strong lean and fit and sculpted legs.
So 12WBT is about your body, but even more, it's about your mind and about you being in control of your behaviour.
Here were my options. Get depressed. Give up. Go eat cake.
But I chose not to do any of those things. Just to take a step in the right direction (tuna and cucumber wholemeal sandwich with no spread for lunch), then another one (small mandarin for a snack)...... because I am going to make it to a fitter, lower cholesteroled, 5k running me.
Then I went and adjusted my start and current weights on my 12WBT profile, just to keep me honest.
Driving around Canberra doing errands this afternoon, my resolve strengthened even more. I thought about all the things that have held me back in the past and hold me back now. Most if it is really about resolve, discipline, determination and focus.
I get great ideas for things I want to do, start and then let them die a death as I either get bored of them, decide they aren't reall worth it anyway or get excited by something new.
I know I can be outcomes focussed and bloodymindedly determined when I really put my mind to it. That's how I've gotten ahead at work. Because I love what I do, it's important for other people, and it makes a real difference in people's lives. I've achieved amazing and wonderful things that way and have had heaps of fun as well as some stress and anxiety along the way.
So why can't I put this into action when it affects me? Maybe I don't think I'm worth it, or I'm not smart enough. Maybe I'm just plain lazy. I could did around and get to the root cause of all this, or I could start making a real concerted effort to change my behaviour, not because I have to, but because I want to.
Listening to Michelle's messages and even more, reading through all the comments from people on the 12WBT forums, it seems that self sabotage is the thing that holds most people back from achieving their goals. So I'm not alone.
There seem to be two things that help people achieve their goals. The first is being absolutely organised. Setting a routine into a diary and then sticking to it faithfully. The second is to actually live the mantra JFDI.
And today I realised very clearly that these two things aren't just about achieving health and fitness goals but for reaching life and career goals more broadly.
I have been toying with the idea for a couple of months now about doing a PhD. I'd gotten to the stage where I had just started talking to people about what I wanted to do. I've been on leave and have another week to go so even went as far as setting up a couple of meetings while I am off work.
Then, last week, I had a car accident in a car park (my fault) and had a bunch of other bad news. I went into an absolute slump of despair and thought to myself that there was no way I could ever complete a PhD. That I didn't have the determination, oomph or discipline to finish one, even if I could work out what I wanted to say and write. Today, after my little scales episode, wandering around Canberra doing messages, I realised that I had ben just getting in my own way again and there was no reason I couldn't complete his PhD. And I got excited about it all over again. So thankfully, I hadn't cancelled any of my meetings and am going to do some testing with academics and people in the area I want to research to see whether the projects can have legs, strong legs, strong lean and fit and sculpted legs.
So 12WBT is about your body, but even more, it's about your mind and about you being in control of your behaviour.
Sunday, 5 May 2013
Getting geared up
Lovely sunshiny Canberra day.
But got to bed SO late last night (my favourite movie of all time, Night of the Iguana was on TCN and I just HAD to watch it till Nonno finished his beautiful poignant poem) that I could barely crawl out of bed today. And thus did not join my lake walking friends. And went to brunch and was reasonably good, except for the bacon (which truly I was not expecting to come with the meal but ate anyway because it is not good to waste food). Then I felt bloated. This 12WBT is starting to shrink my appetite. I can't eat as much as I used to without feeling full. A good thing I guess.
Then a nice afternoon procuring myself a weight bench so I can do some weights and various other exercises at home. The very very nice boys at Sportsmans Warehouse even put it together for me which was a bonus. I bought the MB weight set yesterday at Big W. I am not wedded to getting MB everything but I shopped around for ages, at different shops and online and these were actually the most reasonably priced, unless I wanted a set of adjustable weights which sounds like too much extra work during a workout for me. They weigh 12kg plus the rack. I could barely lift them into the trolley. I thought to myself that this is how much weight I've lost already and I have to lose twice that much again at least. No wonder my organs aren't coping with carrying all that much weight.
I bought a new set of scales at Sportsmans Warehouse as well. I think my current scales are weighing me at 2kg less than I should be. Hope not, but tomorrow morning will tell.
Still haven't done my organise and diarise task - it's really hard. I know there are people who have done beautiful high tech Excel versions, but I've bought myself a wee ring bound book with plenty of pages in it and will be using that. Maybe I could sort of be putting it off. My first red letter day is the Saturday of Week One, my birthday. Going out to dinner with friends. That will be a test!
But got to bed SO late last night (my favourite movie of all time, Night of the Iguana was on TCN and I just HAD to watch it till Nonno finished his beautiful poignant poem) that I could barely crawl out of bed today. And thus did not join my lake walking friends. And went to brunch and was reasonably good, except for the bacon (which truly I was not expecting to come with the meal but ate anyway because it is not good to waste food). Then I felt bloated. This 12WBT is starting to shrink my appetite. I can't eat as much as I used to without feeling full. A good thing I guess.
Then a nice afternoon procuring myself a weight bench so I can do some weights and various other exercises at home. The very very nice boys at Sportsmans Warehouse even put it together for me which was a bonus. I bought the MB weight set yesterday at Big W. I am not wedded to getting MB everything but I shopped around for ages, at different shops and online and these were actually the most reasonably priced, unless I wanted a set of adjustable weights which sounds like too much extra work during a workout for me. They weigh 12kg plus the rack. I could barely lift them into the trolley. I thought to myself that this is how much weight I've lost already and I have to lose twice that much again at least. No wonder my organs aren't coping with carrying all that much weight.
I bought a new set of scales at Sportsmans Warehouse as well. I think my current scales are weighing me at 2kg less than I should be. Hope not, but tomorrow morning will tell.
Still haven't done my organise and diarise task - it's really hard. I know there are people who have done beautiful high tech Excel versions, but I've bought myself a wee ring bound book with plenty of pages in it and will be using that. Maybe I could sort of be putting it off. My first red letter day is the Saturday of Week One, my birthday. Going out to dinner with friends. That will be a test!
Saturday, 4 May 2013
A somewhat sad goobye, and a happy hello to a healthier me
I have had a struggle with weight since my teenage years. I've lost weight and put it on several times. I've had gratuitous advice from may people about great ways to lose weight, including a GP I was seeing for the first time suggesting I have gastric banding even before I'd had a chance to sit down and tell her what was really wrong with me.
I have a family history of diabetes and high cholesterol. I have a personal history of cancer. Just over 12 months ago, I was told I had a fatty liver. Mind you, a fatty new liver which had regrown after I'd had over 60% of my liver lopped out. I was devastated. I couldn't believe that I'd been given a whole new lease on life and was pretty much free of detectable cancer, but I had turned my liver into what one of my doctors called fois gras! There is a strong connection between fatty liver and diabetes and having seen my dad struggle with diabetes management over many years, I just didn't want to even think about the possibility that I was heading down that track.
So I decided I needed to take myself in hand and sort out my health. I started seeing a personal trainer and modified my diet in bits over time, starting with reducing soft drinks and not eating biscuits for breakfast with a focus on reducing my intake of food that contributed to my fatty liver. What I found was that for the first time ever, I started to fall in love with exercising. I enjoyed walking, and building up pace over time, and weights and boxfit exercises and becoming more balanced and just being outside. All of a sudden my life started being opened up to great new opportunities. Opportunities to be fit and strong and able. That was all pretty exciting. I found myself doing things I would have thought insane a year ago, like signing up for 50k walk and swimming lessons. And over the past 12 months I lost about 13k without even really trying.
A bit of a double crunch came for me earlier in 2013. I found out that my liver was not fatty - so good things had happened there! But I also found out that my bad cholesterol had overtaken the good. And that I was struggling with learning to run which is something I've been wanting to be able to do for some time now. My GP put me on a low dose of statins and that just made me feel ill and muscle sore which wasn't helping with not just running but even walking and swimming. So I stopped taking them.
What to do. I knew the only way I could make a major change and turn my life and health around was with help, support and discipline. The Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation program kept popping up on my FB page. I'd had a look at it before and decided that there were just too many rules. I went and had another look.
I know that by following a healthy eating plan I will be able to reduced my bad cholesterol. I will also bring my blood glucose levels from bordering on high to the middle of the healthy range. I will also find it much easier to learn to run without the extra weight. I am still carrying around the weight of a healthy young teenager extra and my BMI is 37 or thereabouts!
I love food. I really really love it. I come from a family of great cooks. I find eating extremely pleasurable. So this is going to be hard for me. I don't really want to do it. But I do want to limit the potential for me developing a nasty chronic disease which affects my ability to fully enjoy life. And I desperately want to be able to run! So I know I have to change the way I think about food, and feel about food. I have to change my eating behaviour. And thus, I have signed up to the 12WBT. And I fully embrace learning a whole new way of eating and living.
I have started this blog as a way to keep accountable. Hopefully, I will be able to keep up to date as I travel the Round 2 2013 12WBT journey. I am also going to use it as an opportunity to explore some of my history and how that has made me the person I am. I hope some of you enjoy reading it.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.............................here I go, spinning into a new way of life.....
I have a family history of diabetes and high cholesterol. I have a personal history of cancer. Just over 12 months ago, I was told I had a fatty liver. Mind you, a fatty new liver which had regrown after I'd had over 60% of my liver lopped out. I was devastated. I couldn't believe that I'd been given a whole new lease on life and was pretty much free of detectable cancer, but I had turned my liver into what one of my doctors called fois gras! There is a strong connection between fatty liver and diabetes and having seen my dad struggle with diabetes management over many years, I just didn't want to even think about the possibility that I was heading down that track.
So I decided I needed to take myself in hand and sort out my health. I started seeing a personal trainer and modified my diet in bits over time, starting with reducing soft drinks and not eating biscuits for breakfast with a focus on reducing my intake of food that contributed to my fatty liver. What I found was that for the first time ever, I started to fall in love with exercising. I enjoyed walking, and building up pace over time, and weights and boxfit exercises and becoming more balanced and just being outside. All of a sudden my life started being opened up to great new opportunities. Opportunities to be fit and strong and able. That was all pretty exciting. I found myself doing things I would have thought insane a year ago, like signing up for 50k walk and swimming lessons. And over the past 12 months I lost about 13k without even really trying.
A bit of a double crunch came for me earlier in 2013. I found out that my liver was not fatty - so good things had happened there! But I also found out that my bad cholesterol had overtaken the good. And that I was struggling with learning to run which is something I've been wanting to be able to do for some time now. My GP put me on a low dose of statins and that just made me feel ill and muscle sore which wasn't helping with not just running but even walking and swimming. So I stopped taking them.
What to do. I knew the only way I could make a major change and turn my life and health around was with help, support and discipline. The Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation program kept popping up on my FB page. I'd had a look at it before and decided that there were just too many rules. I went and had another look.
I know that by following a healthy eating plan I will be able to reduced my bad cholesterol. I will also bring my blood glucose levels from bordering on high to the middle of the healthy range. I will also find it much easier to learn to run without the extra weight. I am still carrying around the weight of a healthy young teenager extra and my BMI is 37 or thereabouts!
I love food. I really really love it. I come from a family of great cooks. I find eating extremely pleasurable. So this is going to be hard for me. I don't really want to do it. But I do want to limit the potential for me developing a nasty chronic disease which affects my ability to fully enjoy life. And I desperately want to be able to run! So I know I have to change the way I think about food, and feel about food. I have to change my eating behaviour. And thus, I have signed up to the 12WBT. And I fully embrace learning a whole new way of eating and living.
I have started this blog as a way to keep accountable. Hopefully, I will be able to keep up to date as I travel the Round 2 2013 12WBT journey. I am also going to use it as an opportunity to explore some of my history and how that has made me the person I am. I hope some of you enjoy reading it.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.............................here I go, spinning into a new way of life.....
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